1 00:00:11,300 --> 00:00:15,400 - Okay, everybody, Dave will be here any moment. 2 00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:17,867 Any of you underage kids need a drink to loosen up? 3 00:00:17,867 --> 00:00:19,600 I'll go first! 4 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:21,900 - Damn, Milk, a surprise party 5 00:00:21,900 --> 00:00:23,233 for Mark-Ass Uncle Joey? 6 00:00:23,233 --> 00:00:25,433 This just confirms how white you really is. 7 00:00:25,433 --> 00:00:27,000 - And da buffet whack too. 8 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:30,300 Sad to say, but ya moms a Double D-Lister in the kitchen. 9 00:00:30,300 --> 00:00:32,833 But good thing y'all stay with da Cock Sauce. 10 00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:34,900 - Man, how come y'all always raggin' on me? 11 00:00:34,900 --> 00:00:36,833 - 'Cause you always forcing us to go to shit 12 00:00:36,833 --> 00:00:39,000 we don't wanna go to. - And you're white. 13 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:40,733 - No I isn't. - A'ight, Milk, 14 00:00:40,733 --> 00:00:42,600 if you part black, then prove it. 15 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:44,467 Take this Cock Sauce to the dome. 16 00:00:44,467 --> 00:00:46,500 - Ain't no thang but some Burger Kang. 17 00:00:46,500 --> 00:00:48,300 - I should probably film this, you know, 18 00:00:48,300 --> 00:00:51,000 for your "30 for 30." 19 00:00:53,767 --> 00:00:56,000 - Everybody, he's here! He's here! 20 00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:00,100 all: Surprise! 21 00:01:03,333 --> 00:01:04,833 Milton! 22 00:01:07,733 --> 00:01:10,067 I've got Cock Sauce in my eyes! 23 00:01:10,067 --> 00:01:13,733 It burns! I am gonna kill you, Milton! 24 00:01:13,733 --> 00:01:15,433 - Got you motherfucker. 25 00:01:20,367 --> 00:01:22,367 - What? 26 00:01:22,367 --> 00:01:25,100 - Calm down, Dave, it's your birthday. 27 00:01:25,100 --> 00:01:26,533 - Exactly! You should be the one 28 00:01:26,533 --> 00:01:28,600 covered in Cock Sauce, not me. 29 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:29,967 - It was an accident. 30 00:01:29,967 --> 00:01:31,200 - Accident my ass. 31 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:33,167 The problem is he doesn't respect me. 32 00:01:33,167 --> 00:01:35,067 He still calls me Uncle Joey. 33 00:01:35,067 --> 00:01:36,900 My name is Dave! 34 00:01:36,900 --> 00:01:38,967 - Shut the fuck up, Uncle Joey! 35 00:01:38,967 --> 00:01:40,167 - You see what I'm talking about? 36 00:01:40,167 --> 00:01:41,933 I can't take this anymore. 37 00:01:41,933 --> 00:01:43,533 - You know what? You're right. 38 00:01:43,533 --> 00:01:46,633 I've tried, but you two just can't get along. 39 00:01:46,633 --> 00:01:48,200 - Maybe we should just end this. 40 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:50,167 Divorce?! 41 00:01:50,167 --> 00:01:51,967 - Hell jeah! Finally! 42 00:01:51,967 --> 00:01:53,567 - I can fix this, Hunny Buns. 43 00:01:53,567 --> 00:01:56,067 I got my camping trip with my buddies coming up. 44 00:01:56,067 --> 00:01:57,333 I'll take Milton with me 45 00:01:57,333 --> 00:01:59,467 and we'll do some father-son bonding. 46 00:01:59,467 --> 00:02:01,067 - Fine, Dave. Sounds great. 47 00:02:01,067 --> 00:02:02,233 And if it doesn't work out... 48 00:02:02,233 --> 00:02:03,567 Deuces. 49 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:07,733 - We still going to Hoechella this weekend? 50 00:02:07,733 --> 00:02:10,067 - Yup, I already got the Jamallies on deck. 51 00:02:10,067 --> 00:02:11,733 I finally got the recipe right. 52 00:02:11,733 --> 00:02:13,467 - I can't go, my nigs. Aah! 53 00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,767 My moms making me go camping with Uncle Joey 54 00:02:15,767 --> 00:02:17,433 old bitch-ass, mark-ass. 55 00:02:17,433 --> 00:02:20,267 - Camping? Just tell that nig you going with us instead. 56 00:02:20,267 --> 00:02:22,233 - Can't. My mom said we gonna divorce him 57 00:02:22,233 --> 00:02:23,767 if we don't work out our issues. 58 00:02:23,767 --> 00:02:25,267 So you already know what I'm about to do. 59 00:02:25,267 --> 00:02:26,967 Fuck...shit...up. 60 00:02:26,967 --> 00:02:29,467 How about that? - Have fun with that. 61 00:02:29,467 --> 00:02:31,600 Ain't no way we gonna pass up these flower crowns 62 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:33,700 with daddy issues. - Nice try, buster. 63 00:02:33,700 --> 00:02:36,300 Without me paying, how y'all getting into Hoechella? 64 00:02:37,733 --> 00:02:39,133 - Damn, my nigs. 65 00:02:39,133 --> 00:02:41,333 Nature is boringer than a motherfucker. 66 00:02:41,333 --> 00:02:42,967 - This why our people only camp out 67 00:02:42,967 --> 00:02:44,733 for some old, new Jordans. 68 00:02:44,733 --> 00:02:46,567 - Well, boys, this'll be a good weekend. 69 00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:47,767 Roasting marshmallows, 70 00:02:47,767 --> 00:02:49,633 telling stories over the campfire, 71 00:02:49,633 --> 00:02:51,067 a little cosplay. 72 00:02:51,067 --> 00:02:52,733 - Shut yo ass up, Uncle Joey. 73 00:02:52,733 --> 00:02:54,967 I ain't with all that Bill-cosplay, homey. 74 00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:56,633 I'm keeping my cheeks intact. 75 00:02:56,633 --> 00:02:59,133 - What the hell is cosplay? 76 00:02:59,133 --> 00:03:01,200 Da fu-- 77 00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:06,067 - Now this is cosplay. Suit up, my homeboys. 78 00:03:07,767 --> 00:03:09,867 - Doctor, his blood pressure's dropping faster 79 00:03:09,867 --> 00:03:11,700 than our ratings. - Well, mine's rising 80 00:03:11,700 --> 00:03:14,300 and I'ma kill your bitch ass if this man dies. 81 00:03:14,300 --> 00:03:16,200 That's just my creative juices 82 00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:17,967 flowing, Cookie mane. Gon' take a little more 83 00:03:17,967 --> 00:03:20,200 than diabetes, sickle-cell, and Trump to stop 84 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,067 old Lucious Lyon and his music. 85 00:03:22,067 --> 00:03:24,367 - Aye, this "Empire" shit relatable, ca. 86 00:03:24,367 --> 00:03:26,767 - We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming 87 00:03:26,767 --> 00:03:29,333 to bring you this nonsense from City Hall. 88 00:03:29,333 --> 00:03:32,533 - I'm here today to address the latest Chamberlain Heights 89 00:03:32,533 --> 00:03:35,600 Police shooting of an allegedly unarmed black man. 90 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:38,400 - Get your hands up! 91 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:40,933 He's resisting! 92 00:03:40,933 --> 00:03:43,300 - According to reports from the arresting officers, 93 00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:45,500 it was dark and the man appeared to be reaching 94 00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:47,900 for a shiny object with his shoulders. 95 00:03:47,900 --> 00:03:50,200 The officers will be placed on fully-paid, 96 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:51,533 administrative leave. 97 00:03:51,533 --> 00:03:54,267 - Damn, sounds more like a paid vacation to me. 98 00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:56,500 - That's what's up. Imagine if on every job 99 00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:58,800 you shot a motherfucker, they paid you to stay home. 100 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:01,067 Shit, I'd go back to teaching pre-school. 101 00:04:01,067 --> 00:04:03,300 - Aye, yo, you might be onto something. 102 00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:05,367 Shit, maybe I'll become a cop. 103 00:04:05,367 --> 00:04:07,100 - A pig? You? - Yup. 104 00:04:07,100 --> 00:04:09,233 All I gots to do is shoot a nigga 105 00:04:09,233 --> 00:04:11,567 and then book me a nice-ass paycation. 106 00:04:11,567 --> 00:04:13,467 - Aye, caa, you lie down with pigs, 107 00:04:13,467 --> 00:04:15,567 you wake up bacon. 108 00:04:15,567 --> 00:04:17,667 Shit, I wake up bakin' every day. 109 00:04:18,700 --> 00:04:20,400 - This some fucked up shit. 110 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:22,700 How y'all gonna have a costume party with no breezys? 111 00:04:22,700 --> 00:04:24,567 - WE could call a few dimes and have our own 112 00:04:24,567 --> 00:04:27,200 Hoechella right here. - I can call Medina. 113 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:29,467 - I said dime, not Olympic medals. 114 00:04:30,933 --> 00:04:32,467 - Holy shit, Dave. 115 00:04:32,467 --> 00:04:34,967 I see you brought some color to the proceedings. 116 00:04:36,367 --> 00:04:38,867 - Come on, guys, they're Milton's friends. 117 00:04:38,867 --> 00:04:40,867 I'm just trying to keep Hunny satisfied. 118 00:04:40,867 --> 00:04:42,667 Happy wife, happy life. 119 00:04:42,667 --> 00:04:45,367 - Well, they're certainly gonna add some authenticity. 120 00:04:45,367 --> 00:04:46,733 - And we're not even paying them? 121 00:04:46,733 --> 00:04:48,533 Very period appropriate. 122 00:04:48,533 --> 00:04:51,300 Hate off to the master. See what I did there? 123 00:04:53,433 --> 00:04:55,300 - Good news, you passed the exam. 124 00:04:55,300 --> 00:04:57,267 Bad news, you failed the drug test. 125 00:04:57,267 --> 00:04:58,467 - Oh, word. 126 00:04:58,467 --> 00:05:00,433 I guess it's back to funemployment then. 127 00:05:00,433 --> 00:05:02,100 - Hold on now. Luckily for you, 128 00:05:02,100 --> 00:05:04,067 we're desperate to increase diversity 129 00:05:04,067 --> 00:05:05,967 and add a little color to the force 130 00:05:05,967 --> 00:05:07,600 to make the community feel safer. 131 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,167 - That's real talk, though. 132 00:05:09,167 --> 00:05:11,067 - So tell me, son, why do you wanna be 133 00:05:11,067 --> 00:05:13,067 one of Chamberlain Heights' finest? 134 00:05:13,067 --> 00:05:15,533 - I wanna shoot a nigga. - Bingo! You're hired! 135 00:05:15,533 --> 00:05:17,167 Here's your gun, here's your badge, 136 00:05:17,167 --> 00:05:18,233 here's your mustache. 137 00:05:18,233 --> 00:05:20,300 Now go make America great again. 138 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:26,400 - I'ma get you, boy. 139 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:29,267 - Yo, this shit suck like some socially conscious rap. 140 00:05:29,267 --> 00:05:32,233 - Yeah, if you want my money, you best mumble some shit. 141 00:05:32,233 --> 00:05:34,067 I ain't mad at the buffet, though. 142 00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:36,233 This swine is fine and divine. 143 00:05:36,233 --> 00:05:38,900 - Like Amber Rose behind. both: Bars. 144 00:05:38,900 --> 00:05:40,433 Yo, check it. 145 00:05:40,433 --> 00:05:42,133 I never heard of this game "Runaway," 146 00:05:42,133 --> 00:05:44,067 but I'm making a grip of reparations. 147 00:05:44,067 --> 00:05:46,733 - God damn it, Grover, you won again. 148 00:05:46,733 --> 00:05:48,667 You'd have fetched top-dollar back in the day. 149 00:05:48,667 --> 00:05:50,100 - Okay, mount up. 150 00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,733 The reenactment of the Battle of Funkstown is commencing. 151 00:05:56,300 --> 00:05:58,067 - Whoa. - What the fuck? 152 00:05:58,067 --> 00:06:00,500 - Why you hoisting that racist rag, Uncle Joey? 153 00:06:00,500 --> 00:06:02,100 I thought they outlawed that shit. 154 00:06:02,100 --> 00:06:04,133 - Don't be ridiculous. It's not racist. 155 00:06:04,133 --> 00:06:06,267 During the Civil War, it represented the South's fight 156 00:06:06,267 --> 00:06:07,833 for freedom from Northern oppression. 157 00:06:07,833 --> 00:06:10,533 This flag's about pride, not prejudice. 158 00:06:10,533 --> 00:06:12,300 - You mean like pride in owning slaves? 159 00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:14,700 - Say word? That's why they fought the Civil War? 160 00:06:14,700 --> 00:06:16,333 - Well, what did you guys think it was about? 161 00:06:16,333 --> 00:06:17,567 - What all fights are about: 162 00:06:17,567 --> 00:06:19,433 somebody was talking shit on Twitter. 163 00:06:19,433 --> 00:06:20,467 - Look, it doesn't matter 164 00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:22,167 because this is the flag they flew 165 00:06:22,167 --> 00:06:24,700 and everything needs to be 100% authentic. 166 00:06:24,700 --> 00:06:27,067 Come on, let's take the General Lee Trevino. 167 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:31,233 - I don't know about y'all, but I ain't finna just 168 00:06:31,233 --> 00:06:34,533 stand here and let Uncle Joey celebrate his "prejudicismses." 169 00:06:34,533 --> 00:06:37,067 - We need to teach these racists bastards a lesson. 170 00:06:37,067 --> 00:06:39,333 - What y'all trying to do? - Let's fuck some shit up 171 00:06:39,333 --> 00:06:41,800 so I can get Uncle Joey's bitch ass outta my life 172 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,867 and get a real dad, like Birdman. 173 00:06:43,867 --> 00:06:45,533 both: 174 00:07:22,967 --> 00:07:25,067 - Milton! - Get those niggers. 175 00:07:25,067 --> 00:07:27,100 - Thanks for noticing. Appreciate you. 176 00:07:27,100 --> 00:07:30,500 - Come on, guys, come back here. - Holy shit. 177 00:07:34,233 --> 00:07:37,067 - Aw, shit and stuff. Here come uno time. 178 00:07:37,067 --> 00:07:38,400 - Good afternoon, Officer. 179 00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:39,833 Would you care to purchase a chocolate bar? 180 00:07:39,833 --> 00:07:41,633 Everybody knows the only bars 181 00:07:41,633 --> 00:07:44,067 your slangin' out here in Xanax. 182 00:07:44,067 --> 00:07:45,967 Now spread 'em. - Come on, Officer, 183 00:07:45,967 --> 00:07:47,700 I mean, maybe we can work something out. 184 00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:50,800 - Hmm. Be a good lad and polish my tallywhacker? 185 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,067 - Is that English? - It means 186 00:07:52,067 --> 00:07:53,567 suck my dick, nigga, damn. 187 00:07:53,567 --> 00:07:55,200 - 'Trel?! 188 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:56,933 I'm just fucking with you, lil' bro. 189 00:07:56,933 --> 00:07:59,067 That'd be incest and gay. 190 00:07:59,067 --> 00:08:01,100 - Hey! Why your brother dressed like 5-0? 191 00:08:01,100 --> 00:08:03,467 - Man, I ain't dressed like nothing, Broke Chigga. 192 00:08:03,467 --> 00:08:05,333 I am a cop. 193 00:08:05,333 --> 00:08:08,067 - Montrel, you cannot just wake up at 3:00 in the afternoon 194 00:08:08,067 --> 00:08:09,533 and decide to be a police officer. 195 00:08:09,533 --> 00:08:11,533 - That's why I woke up at 2:15. 196 00:08:11,533 --> 00:08:13,767 Now gimme my allowance 197 00:08:13,767 --> 00:08:15,933 so I can get some donuts nigga, damn. 198 00:08:15,933 --> 00:08:18,067 What it do, my piggas? 199 00:08:18,067 --> 00:08:19,667 - Today's training day, Officer Cummings. 200 00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:21,900 - Actually, it's more like training afternoon. 201 00:08:21,900 --> 00:08:23,933 - Yeah, we had to plant some drugs on minorities 202 00:08:23,933 --> 00:08:25,233 and the morning kind of got away from us. 203 00:08:25,233 --> 00:08:26,467 Anyway, get in, Cummings. 204 00:08:30,967 --> 00:08:33,567 - That's it! I can't...run no more! 205 00:08:33,567 --> 00:08:35,333 This is stupid, my nigs. 206 00:08:35,333 --> 00:08:37,833 - Stupid is gettin' lynched by a bunch of cock-federates. 207 00:08:37,833 --> 00:08:40,233 - It's all just pretend. Can't we just, like, 208 00:08:40,233 --> 00:08:41,867 tell them we don't wanna play no more? 209 00:08:41,867 --> 00:08:44,067 - Whatcha gon' say? "Sorry, we was just fuckin' 210 00:08:44,067 --> 00:08:45,667 with y'all when we burned down y'all camp"? 211 00:08:45,667 --> 00:08:47,300 - So what should we do? 212 00:08:48,433 --> 00:08:50,433 - Keep running, Toby. 213 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:53,600 - You know, there is a back seat, Cummings. 214 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,567 - Man, ain't no real one gonna voluntarily 215 00:08:55,567 --> 00:08:58,133 get in the back of a cop car. - Totally understandable. 216 00:08:58,133 --> 00:08:59,667 Well, today we'll show you around, 217 00:08:59,667 --> 00:09:00,933 give you a taste of the business. 218 00:09:00,933 --> 00:09:03,233 - Starting with a little taste of this. 219 00:09:03,233 --> 00:09:04,833 Your first lesson. 220 00:09:04,833 --> 00:09:07,167 - Oh, okay. I feel you. I feel what you talkin' about. 221 00:09:07,167 --> 00:09:10,100 If I go deep undercover, my failure to use drugs 222 00:09:10,100 --> 00:09:11,800 could get me killed by a street dealer. 223 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:13,067 - No. What? 224 00:09:13,067 --> 00:09:15,367 No, it makes the day go by a shit ton faster. 225 00:09:15,367 --> 00:09:17,333 - Oh, word? 226 00:09:19,700 --> 00:09:22,133 - Maybe we should just split up. 227 00:09:22,133 --> 00:09:23,700 That's what they do in the movies. 228 00:09:23,700 --> 00:09:25,433 They ain't after all of us. 229 00:09:25,433 --> 00:09:26,933 - No, we all brothers in this. 230 00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:29,767 That's what this war about. No man left behind. 231 00:09:29,767 --> 00:09:31,267 Damn. 232 00:09:31,267 --> 00:09:32,667 See how y'all do me dirty? 233 00:09:38,933 --> 00:09:42,167 - On the streets, you control your smiles and cries 234 00:09:42,167 --> 00:09:45,767 because that's all you have and nobody can take your smiles. 235 00:09:45,767 --> 00:09:49,567 Nobody can take... 236 00:09:49,567 --> 00:09:50,700 Oh! 237 00:09:50,700 --> 00:09:52,767 - Oh, crap, man, it's the fuzz. 238 00:09:52,767 --> 00:09:53,833 We gotta hide this shit]. 239 00:09:53,833 --> 00:09:55,267 - Nigga, where they at? Oh, wait... 240 00:09:55,267 --> 00:09:56,633 We is the fuzz. 241 00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:02,200 Hey, yo, yo, yo, yo check this out. 242 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:05,833 It's a 211 in progress. - Already on it. 243 00:10:05,833 --> 00:10:08,000 - Hey, what you doing? - Didn't you notice their guns? 244 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:10,433 Lesson two: hit the gas and save your ass. 245 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:13,433 - Gets me ever time. 246 00:10:13,433 --> 00:10:15,133 Guy's in real pain right now. 247 00:10:18,300 --> 00:10:20,600 - You know, I really thought they'd follow Milk. 248 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,967 - Me, too. They was mad at him, not us. 249 00:10:23,967 --> 00:10:26,567 I don't think I can run anymore, my nig. 250 00:10:26,567 --> 00:10:28,567 - Don't worry. 251 00:10:28,567 --> 00:10:31,433 - We ain't got no choice. We gots to jump. 252 00:10:31,433 --> 00:10:33,600 - Hell, nah, you know I can't swims. 253 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,033 - You already know I have 254 00:10:35,033 --> 00:10:37,467 abnormally oxygenated blood cells, 255 00:10:37,467 --> 00:10:39,633 so I'm buoyant as a motherfucker. 256 00:10:39,633 --> 00:10:41,767 Just hang onto me when we hit the water. 257 00:10:51,533 --> 00:10:54,633 - What are you guys waiting for? - Us? You go. 258 00:10:54,633 --> 00:10:56,133 This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't brought 259 00:10:56,133 --> 00:10:59,067 "unapproved guests." 260 00:11:00,467 --> 00:11:02,500 We don't have time to stand here bickering. 261 00:11:02,500 --> 00:11:05,067 We need to find Milton so that I can save my marriage. 262 00:11:39,300 --> 00:11:41,900 - Yo, why Uncle Joey always so angry 263 00:11:41,900 --> 00:11:44,900 when he got Hunny's scrumptious tittay 264 00:11:44,900 --> 00:11:47,067 waitin' for him at home? - Milk says because 265 00:11:47,067 --> 00:11:49,567 below the waist, he workin' with a raw tater tot. 266 00:11:50,933 --> 00:11:53,600 - I never understood why white guys 267 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,700 are always talking about dicks. 268 00:11:55,700 --> 00:11:57,867 - For the same reason we discovered America! 269 00:11:57,867 --> 00:12:00,900 We're curious! You're in so much fake trouble 270 00:12:00,900 --> 00:12:03,700 for messing up our fake war. So where's Milton? 271 00:12:03,700 --> 00:12:06,067 - We split up. - We need to find my stepson. 272 00:12:06,067 --> 00:12:08,267 He's all alone in the woods. What if he's lost? 273 00:12:08,267 --> 00:12:10,233 What if he's hurt? - But I thought you hated 274 00:12:10,233 --> 00:12:12,067 that son of a bitch. - I do, 275 00:12:12,067 --> 00:12:13,800 but I know he's alone in the woods. 276 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:15,400 As much as I want to kill him, 277 00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,200 I don't want anything to happen to him. 278 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:20,067 Hunny will never forgive me and she'll divorce me for sure. 279 00:12:20,067 --> 00:12:23,367 Now let's go find that wigger. 280 00:12:28,500 --> 00:12:31,400 - Ah, shit. Mark-ass tree. 281 00:12:33,733 --> 00:12:35,533 Who's there? Uncle Joey? 282 00:12:35,533 --> 00:12:37,633 I mean, bitch-ass Uncle Joey? 283 00:12:37,633 --> 00:12:39,600 Come out and fight. I ain't afraid. 284 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:42,233 I got mad squabbles and if you a pedophile... 285 00:12:42,233 --> 00:12:43,467 I got mad herpes 286 00:12:43,467 --> 00:12:45,400 and my AIDS angry, too, homey. 287 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:50,700 - What's up, bitch-ass squirrel? 288 00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:53,367 You want some? I'm the man up in this bitch. 289 00:12:53,367 --> 00:12:55,200 Who the fuck you think you fucking with? 290 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:56,633 I run shit around here. 291 00:12:56,633 --> 00:12:58,933 You just live here. Yeah, that's right. 292 00:12:58,933 --> 00:13:00,200 You better run away. 293 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:02,900 King Kong ain't got shit on me. 294 00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:06,133 Oh, shit! Ugh. 295 00:13:06,133 --> 00:13:08,600 Aah, Uncle Joey, help me! 296 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:10,533 Oh, Black Jesus, please no! 297 00:13:10,533 --> 00:13:13,067 Ugh. 298 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:17,833 Oh, you ain't so bad. For a minute I thought 299 00:13:17,833 --> 00:13:20,467 you was finna... 300 00:13:30,233 --> 00:13:31,600 - Here, give this to one of your kids... 301 00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:35,067 that you know about and acknowledge... 302 00:13:35,067 --> 00:13:38,067 and take a fatherly role in their life. 303 00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:40,367 - Cool. Cool. It's been a fun day, 304 00:13:40,367 --> 00:13:41,900 but when do I get to shoot a nigga? 305 00:13:41,900 --> 00:13:44,067 You know, get a taste of that paid leave. 306 00:13:44,067 --> 00:13:45,867 - You believe this guy? I didn't get my first 307 00:13:45,867 --> 00:13:48,467 paycation for three weeks. - It was four for me. 308 00:13:48,467 --> 00:13:50,767 And I'm an early bloomer. Had a hairy dick at nine. 309 00:13:50,767 --> 00:13:53,200 - This generation. Everything has to happen 310 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:54,700 right now for you millennials. 311 00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:56,967 Okay, you want to shoot someone, you got it. 312 00:13:56,967 --> 00:13:58,633 - Yeah, now that's what I'm talking about. 313 00:13:58,633 --> 00:13:59,900 - All right, we need to go 314 00:13:59,900 --> 00:14:01,333 where there are a lot of black people. 315 00:14:01,333 --> 00:14:03,167 We got enough gas in here to get to Detroit? 316 00:14:03,167 --> 00:14:04,367 - No, but we do have enough 317 00:14:04,367 --> 00:14:05,900 to get to the Magic Johnson Theater. 318 00:14:08,567 --> 00:14:10,467 - I can't believe this shit. 319 00:14:10,467 --> 00:14:14,067 Mark-ass bear. It's so not fair. Bars! 320 00:14:17,067 --> 00:14:18,633 Motherfucker. 321 00:14:20,300 --> 00:14:22,500 - This time, we finish it. 322 00:14:24,333 --> 00:14:26,600 - Guys, this is seriously messed up. 323 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,133 How is this supposed to be fun? 324 00:14:28,133 --> 00:14:31,267 - You guys pretending to be Confederates isn't about pride. 325 00:14:31,267 --> 00:14:33,667 You're just some born losers. 326 00:14:33,667 --> 00:14:35,533 - I wasn't gonna let my regiment do anything 327 00:14:35,533 --> 00:14:38,167 to you two before, but now all bets are off. 328 00:14:38,167 --> 00:14:40,533 - Hey, Dave, you gotta come look at this. 329 00:14:40,533 --> 00:14:41,833 - Well, I'll be damned. 330 00:14:41,833 --> 00:14:44,133 Is this a 9/11 reenactment? 331 00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:45,700 - Sure looks that way. 332 00:14:50,133 --> 00:14:52,900 - Destroy our country? Not on my watch. 333 00:14:52,900 --> 00:14:55,100 This time, we go to fake war for real. 334 00:14:55,100 --> 00:14:57,067 - War? - Was somebody talking shit 335 00:14:57,067 --> 00:14:59,300 on Twitter? - It's time for you Niagras 336 00:14:59,300 --> 00:15:00,933 to fight for your freedom. 337 00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:03,567 - Fight for our freedom? Why does this keep happening? 338 00:15:03,567 --> 00:15:05,267 - God, I hates America. 339 00:15:05,267 --> 00:15:07,533 - Come on, guys, let's roll. 340 00:15:07,533 --> 00:15:09,300 What is wrong with you people? 341 00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:11,067 9/11 was a heinous act 342 00:15:11,067 --> 00:15:13,100 and recreating it is not only offensive, 343 00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:15,300 it is also dumb and un-American. 344 00:15:15,300 --> 00:15:16,767 - "Dumb and un-American," huh? 345 00:15:16,767 --> 00:15:18,500 Sounds pretty hypocritical from a guy 346 00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:20,600 wearing a Confederate Flag on his uniform. 347 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:22,567 - Got 'em! - Hey! 348 00:15:22,567 --> 00:15:24,300 If you've got something against America, 349 00:15:24,300 --> 00:15:27,533 I'll send you back to whatever Middle Eastern compound 350 00:15:27,533 --> 00:15:29,900 you "Muslames" hide in, okay? 351 00:15:29,900 --> 00:15:32,667 - "Middle Eastern compound"? I'm from Laguna Beach. 352 00:15:32,667 --> 00:15:34,400 - Get out of here! I'm from Newport! 353 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,200 - No kidding? East or west? 354 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:37,767 - Well, shit. You caught me. 355 00:15:37,767 --> 00:15:40,467 I live in Anaheim. - Ain't nothing wrong with that. 356 00:15:40,467 --> 00:15:42,533 Go Halos! - You're American?! 357 00:15:42,533 --> 00:15:43,967 That's even worse. 358 00:15:43,967 --> 00:15:45,700 You're not terrorists, you're traitors. 359 00:15:45,700 --> 00:15:48,167 How could you celebrate your own country's ass whooping? 360 00:15:48,167 --> 00:15:50,067 - Apparently, the same way you guys do. 361 00:15:50,067 --> 00:15:52,633 This ass whoopin' brought us together and made us stronger. 362 00:15:52,633 --> 00:15:54,967 - It's insensitive! - Last I checked, 363 00:15:54,967 --> 00:15:56,667 this was still a free country. 364 00:15:56,667 --> 00:15:58,633 - Oh, yeah? Well, fuck your freedom! 365 00:15:58,633 --> 00:16:00,233 - Aah! - Oh, shit. 366 00:16:00,233 --> 00:16:02,067 Uncle Joey American Gansta. 367 00:16:02,067 --> 00:16:05,067 - Yee-haw! 368 00:16:11,267 --> 00:16:12,600 - What're you gonna do with that? 369 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:14,433 This is a reenactment, stupid. 370 00:16:14,433 --> 00:16:16,500 - Reenactment? 371 00:16:19,267 --> 00:16:21,600 - Man, the Confederates are getting their asses kicked. 372 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:23,733 - No wonder the South lost, they suck. 373 00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:25,200 - Yeah, they the Hillary Clintons 374 00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,333 of the battlefield. 375 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:30,367 - On your knees, infidels. 376 00:16:30,367 --> 00:16:32,400 - Y'all gonna have to cut my head off 377 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,233 if you want me to suck some dick. 378 00:16:34,233 --> 00:16:36,633 - Mmm, okay. 379 00:16:46,433 --> 00:16:48,400 Yeah, take that, buster, you like that? 380 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:49,767 Yeah, you want some, too, homey? 381 00:16:55,867 --> 00:16:57,100 - Yeah. 382 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:03,933 - Milton, are you okay? What happened to you? 383 00:17:03,933 --> 00:17:06,067 - I was "Revenated." I'm good, though. 384 00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:08,133 It's not about who touches you inappropriately, 385 00:17:08,133 --> 00:17:10,067 it's what you do after. - What?! 386 00:17:10,067 --> 00:17:13,167 - Uh, uh...didn't nobody's cheeks without consent. 387 00:17:34,867 --> 00:17:37,400 - Noo! 388 00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:41,200 - Whoa! 389 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:43,633 Pull it out! Pull it out! Pull it out! 390 00:17:43,633 --> 00:17:46,133 That wasn't so bad. 391 00:17:46,133 --> 00:17:48,567 - Oh, man, that's nasty shit! 392 00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:50,067 - One of you busters do something! 393 00:17:50,067 --> 00:17:52,633 Uncle Joey finna bleed to death outta his bitch-ass! 394 00:17:54,333 --> 00:17:56,733 - Whoa! Wait a minute! 395 00:17:56,733 --> 00:17:58,967 - Don't worry, Uncle Joey, I got you. 396 00:17:58,967 --> 00:18:01,567 That'll slow the bleeding till we get back to camp. 397 00:18:01,567 --> 00:18:03,367 - Damn, Milk. I gotta admit, 398 00:18:03,367 --> 00:18:05,100 what you just did was pretty league, 399 00:18:05,100 --> 00:18:07,567 but why you walkin' so funny? - Uh... 400 00:18:09,067 --> 00:18:11,100 - I can't believe Magic Johnson theaters went tits up. 401 00:18:11,100 --> 00:18:12,433 Shit, we just missed last call 402 00:18:12,433 --> 00:18:14,067 at Compton Leroy's too. 403 00:18:14,067 --> 00:18:16,200 Sorry, Cummings, looks like it just ain't your night. 404 00:18:18,167 --> 00:18:20,433 - Bingo! Looks like it was your night after all. 405 00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:22,833 - Freeze, nigga! 406 00:18:22,833 --> 00:18:24,467 Shea? - Aye, caa, 407 00:18:24,467 --> 00:18:26,633 you look cold in blue. - Drop the weapon! 408 00:18:26,633 --> 00:18:28,900 - Aye, can a nigga eat his mint chips? 409 00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:30,467 - Stop resisting. - Be careful. 410 00:18:30,467 --> 00:18:32,600 This one has both of his arms. 411 00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:34,600 - He's reaching for something. - Go for it, Cummings! 412 00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:36,267 - Man, he ain't nobody. 413 00:18:36,267 --> 00:18:37,733 - I am somebody, caa. 414 00:18:37,733 --> 00:18:40,133 - Hey, shut up. If you wanna go get some niggas, 415 00:18:40,133 --> 00:18:42,567 I know where we can find a pack of them motherfuckers. 416 00:18:42,567 --> 00:18:45,500 - Come on! Bust your chocolate covered cherry! 417 00:18:46,867 --> 00:18:48,667 - Oh, I see. I knew it was gonna happen 418 00:18:48,667 --> 00:18:51,267 some day, caa. Might as well be you, 'Trel. 419 00:18:51,267 --> 00:18:53,067 Just make sure you keep me hashtaggin'. 420 00:18:53,067 --> 00:18:55,133 Crip lives matter, call. 421 00:18:55,133 --> 00:18:57,500 - No, they don't, blood. And I think I speak for all cops 422 00:18:57,500 --> 00:19:00,067 everywhere when I say su-wu. 423 00:19:00,067 --> 00:19:01,767 - Coming at you, 'Pac. 424 00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:15,067 - You said you wanted to shoot a nigga, 425 00:19:15,067 --> 00:19:16,533 who'd a thought it'd be you? 426 00:19:16,533 --> 00:19:18,833 - Aye, I had to do it. I couldn't shoot my homey. 427 00:19:18,833 --> 00:19:21,400 You like my family. - Damn, caa, that's deep. 428 00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:24,167 Aye, I gotta tell you somethin', you know that bad one 429 00:19:24,167 --> 00:19:26,667 you had from Diamond Bar? I fucked her, caa. 430 00:19:26,667 --> 00:19:28,767 I'm a bad friend. - Man, you did what?! 431 00:19:28,767 --> 00:19:30,600 - Ah, caa. 432 00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,800 My Crippin' leg! - That's for fucking my bad one 433 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:34,067 from Diamond Bar, nigga. 434 00:19:34,067 --> 00:19:34,967 Don't never do that shit again. 435 00:19:34,967 --> 00:19:36,133 - Fair enough, caa. 436 00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:38,067 Aye, can a nigga have some Obamacares? 437 00:19:38,067 --> 00:19:41,533 - Damn, my nig, being a slave is hard work. 438 00:19:41,533 --> 00:19:44,667 I don't know how our ancestors did it for 12 years. 439 00:19:44,667 --> 00:19:47,067 - Well, I'm glad you guys got along. 440 00:19:47,067 --> 00:19:48,900 - Yeah, I guess your husband is all right 441 00:19:48,900 --> 00:19:51,733 for a mark-ass buster. 442 00:19:51,733 --> 00:19:54,600 I'm so happy. And you know what I like to do 443 00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:56,667 when I'm happy? 444 00:19:56,667 --> 00:19:58,933 - Oh! Uh, yeah, about that. 445 00:19:58,933 --> 00:20:01,433 Uh, I don't think I can do that for me for about six weeks. 446 00:20:01,433 --> 00:20:04,367 I'll explain when I get home. Love ya, Hunny Bunny. 447 00:20:04,367 --> 00:20:06,900 So, Milton, how you doing? - I ain't get assaulted! 448 00:20:06,900 --> 00:20:08,767 - What? I wasn't--I-- 449 00:20:08,767 --> 00:20:10,700 All right, anyway, I'm glad you're okay. 450 00:20:11,933 --> 00:20:13,833 - Even though you're a mark-ass buster, 451 00:20:13,833 --> 00:20:16,300 I still love your money. Thanks for having my back. 452 00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:19,833 - That's what fathers do. We protect the ones we love. 453 00:20:19,833 --> 00:20:22,533 And their kids. - Whoa, pump them brakes, 454 00:20:22,533 --> 00:20:25,733 bitch-ass Dave. No one said you was my daddy. 455 00:20:25,733 --> 00:20:27,367 Yo, why you smiling? 456 00:20:27,367 --> 00:20:28,833 - You called me Dave. 457 00:20:28,833 --> 00:20:30,733 - No, I didn't. - Yes, you did. 458 00:20:30,733 --> 00:20:34,300 - How cute. Someone loves their stepdad. 459 00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:36,467 - Shut up, buster. 460 00:20:36,467 --> 00:20:39,033 - Aww, look who's got a father in his life. 461 00:20:39,033 --> 00:20:41,833 - Man, y'all take it back. I already killed once today. 462 00:20:41,833 --> 00:20:43,800 - Your mom's gonna be so happy. 463 00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:47,100 I can't wait to get home so we can be a "Full House" again. 464 00:20:47,100 --> 00:20:49,933 Come here. Give me a big, ol' bear hug, son. 465 00:20:49,933 --> 00:20:51,900 - No means no! No means no! 466 00:20:51,900 --> 00:20:53,967 Man, quit playing, Uncle Joey! You ain't my daddy. 467 00:20:53,967 --> 00:20:55,800 I done told you that man.